After joining in the Marines, a child writes a letter home.

When their child enlisted in the Marines, the parents eagerly awaited a letter to find out how their child was faring. When they eventually got one, it spread like wildfire. This must be read, without a doubt!

Dear Mama and Papa:

I’m ok. Hopefully so. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that joining the Marine Corps is far superior to working for Old Man Minch. Tell them to sign up right away before all the available spots are taken.

Because you may stay in bed until almost six in the morning, I was initially restless. But as I become older, I prefer to sleep in late. Walt and Elmer ell before breakfast, all you do is shine a few objects and smooth your bed. There are no hogs to slop, no feed to pitch, no mash to mix, no wood to split, no fire to build, hardly much at all.

Men must shave, but there is warm water so it is not too awful. Tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit beside the two city boys who live on coffee. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like cereal, eggs, bacon, fruit juice, etc., but kind of weak on potatoes, chops, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other typical meals. You are sustained until noon, when you receive new nourishment, by their food and your own. It makes sense why these city lads can’t walk very far.

The platoon sergeant claims we go on “route marches,” which are really just long walks, to toughen us up. It is not my place to correct him if he believes otherwise. The distance to our home mailbox is about how far a “route march” is. The city folks then experience foot pain, and we all take trucks home.

The sergeant resembles a teacher. He’s a big nag. Similar to the school board is the captain. Colonels and majors simply ride about and scowl. You are not bothered by them at all.

Walt and Elmer will be killed by this next as they chuckle. I continue to win medals for my shooting. I have no idea why. The target is stationary and almost the size of a chipmunk head; it is not firing at you like the Higgett boys at home.

You only need to lay there comfortably and whack it. Even worse, you don’t load your own cartridges. It comes in boxes.

Next, we engage in training for hand-to-hand fighting. You get to wrestle those urban youths. But because they are so fragile, I have to be quite careful. It’s not the same as a domestic bullfight. With the exception of that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake, I’m pretty much the best they could do in this. He only lost to me once. He and I both entered the military at the same time, however he is 6’8″ and close to 300 pounds dry while I am only 5’6″ and 130 pounds.

Tell Walt and Elmer to join up quickly before other guys catch wind of this arrangement and rush in.

Your beloved daughter,

Alice

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